i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
