Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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