he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
