Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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