I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
