The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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