...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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