I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
