He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
