Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
