Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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