yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
