were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
