UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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