A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
