Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
