She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
