Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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