He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
