I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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