Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
