were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
