she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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