Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
