Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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