Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
