Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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