This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
