Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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