I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
