are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
