her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
