I think I died a long time ago.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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