So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
