since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
