The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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