Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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