porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
