I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
