so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
