I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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