i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
