so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
