dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
