wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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