i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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