Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
COCAINE IS GR8
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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