there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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