There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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