OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
