Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
