I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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