Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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